u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
