god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
