Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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