So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
