Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
operation have a gay friend backfired
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize