he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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