he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize