So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
