as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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