i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
