What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
