when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
