Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
