That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize