I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
