All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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