Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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