You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
