She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize