I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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