I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
