were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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