Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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