omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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