Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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