I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
