toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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