It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
