I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
