remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize