I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
