how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
