you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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