I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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