fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
