Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
