And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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