I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
