bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
