i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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