drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
