that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
