Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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