u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
