So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
