Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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