I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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