dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
