Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
