i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
