I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
