wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize