wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize