I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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