I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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