Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
