Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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