Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
