he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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