he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
