Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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