my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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