im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
