Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
