don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You ruined the universe
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
