2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
