seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
