He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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