u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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