omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
