we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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