He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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