and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
