So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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