hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
no you cant smoke seaweed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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