We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
