Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
