the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
