He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
