everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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