Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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