It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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