yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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