STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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